Personality jokes

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I bet you guys will really love my personality jokes.

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" : Jake Johannsen, an American comedian.

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either." : Cavett, former American television talk show host

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." : Alan Whitney Brown, an Emmy Award-winning writer and comedian

Most of us often facing problem with some people coming to our party who aren't invited by us. This can cause a serious problem when we arrange food, drink, party tables etc as per the count of people who are invited by us. But we can't identify them from a large crowd and some don't dare to tell them to go out. No one likes this situation and here I set a fun for this. Read the funny story below where a host played a nice trick which let him to eliminate unwanted persons from his party..
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It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said

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"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." : Sue Murphy , an American television actress and a comedian ...

Remember : This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US !

A few days ago, Japanese Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets US president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with US President Obama, please say "how r u". Then Mr. Obama should say,"I am fine, and you?"Now, you should say"me too". Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said "who r u?" (Instead of "How r u?"..)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:
"Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha ha...
"Then Mori replied "me too, ha ha.. ."

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room

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From this, we learn a lesson that we must learn English well before talk to an English person.

George Washington Was at a party and had been drinking heavily. A lady approached him and declared ” George Washington you are drunk “
"Yes Madam you are right and you are Ugly and in the morning i`ll be sober" ………….

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.

“I’ll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he’s making love,” says the carpenter.

“I’ll hot wire his mattress so they’ll feel immense heat while making love,” says the electrician.

“Those are good ideas,” says the dentist. “But my contribution’s going to be a real surprise.”

The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says “I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I’m gonna kill whichever one of you put Novocaine in the massage oil!”



Joke Tips:
Novocain is the brand name of the anesthetic Procaine Hydrochloride. Procaine causes loss of feeling (numbness) of skin and mucous membranes. Procaine is a local anesthetic that is used as an injection during surgery and other medical and dental procedures.

Note: Read, laugh and enjoy !. Don't comment please he he he . . .

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Later on the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 69 years old man who married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 19 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."